How to Stay Friends...Even When One
of You is Being Difficult

In 1976, my best friend from the Air Force,
Tom, moved to Louisville, close to my
current home. I knew Tom had cancer, but I
didn't know that he was coming to Louisville
to die. When Tom revealed his intentions to
me, I decided he was stupid and foolish for
giving up and I fought with him about it.

My attempts to change Tom's mind failed. But
even though his decision making ability
was at least a bit compromised by his
disease, I couldn't let go of my anger about
his self-serving decision to let go when I
had alternative and adjunctive treatments
ready for him. In my anger, I washed my
hands of him and walked away.

Tom was dead seven months later. Immediately
after learning of his death, I
knew I had made a terrible mistake. My
inflexibility cheated me out of that time
with my friend.

Sometimes others will not agree with your
viewpoint and will refuse to be persuaded. And
sometimes you will be the one who
refuses to be persuaded. In order to avoid
shutting ourselves off from the energy of
love and fun which comes from our
relationships, I've learned that it is
necessary to agree to disagree.

Agreeing to disagree is the opposite of
drawing a line in the sand, which our egos
put us up to. "How dare she disagree with
me?", we think. But there is a nasty truth
behind "agree with me or else..."
ultimatums - you wouldn't make them if you
weren't afraid.

What are you afraid of? Why does it bother
you so much when someone disagrees with
you? Is there a part of you that suspects
your feelings and perspectives are wrong?

No? Great, than you won't have as many
problems learning to apply this rule as I
did!

What will happen when you agree to
disagree?

First, you affirm the other person. Your
counterpart will feel appreciated and
valued - knowing that,although you may not
agree with her, you respect her enough
to honor her opinion and her right to have
it. You're no longer saying, "My way or the
highway."

Second, you will retain your openness and
energy level. Your side of the relationship
will not be cut off and the positive energy
you receive from it will continue to flow. Because
we all know that you don't really
stop loving someone you care about, even
when you wholeheartedly disagree with
them.

Believe me, I never stopped loving my best
friend...regardless of his decision. And I
would give up a lot to have another
chance to say goodbye to him.

Doesn't it sound healthier to have more
communication in your life? Isn't emotional
availability better than shutting yourself
down? Wouldn't you rather have more energy
than less?

If you're like me, and answered "yes" to
these questions, look for opportunities to
agree to disagree this week and be patient
with the results. I'm confident you'll
like those results...and I hope you
share some of them with me.

In two weeks I'll give you a first-hand
example of a subtle, yet highly effective,
use of this Commandment.

Your Attention Please!
Cori Young is a friend of ours; a member of
our Humor Being Network, Cori even has an
article published on our website (it's a
great article about science proving the
usefulness of love in child development). I'd
like you to visit Cori's website and
check out some really cool, fun stuff which
will help you be even healthier and happier than
you are now. Visit her today and take some
time to look into her great wallcharts - I
love 'em!

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Some Humor for the Week

"According to a study of health clubs, men
sweat more than women. Well, sure. It
takes a lot of effort to hold in their gut
for an hour."
Jay Leno

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