Why "Steamboating" Makes it Hard for
You to Quit Beating Yourself Up

Picture this: Ruth had nine years of
sobriety in Alcoholics Anonymous when she
was diagnosed with cancer and became my
patient. She was having trouble dealing
with her disease, having been a life-long
smoker. Ruth was beating herself up for
contracting lung cancer.

Ruth didn't necessarily need help resigning
herself to the treatment of her cancer, but
she was having difficulty forgiving herself. And
her blaming was impeding her treatment
and her piece of mind.

During our work together, Ruth and I talked
often about her success in Alcoholics
Anonymous because she was justifiably proud
of her life changes. Blaming herself for
her mistakes and beating herself up for
them, unfortunately, was not yet one of
those changes.

Beating yourself up, which is just another
form of pretending to be in control, is a
hard habit to break.

During our work, Ruth revealed a humorous
term coined by her AA
sponsor, “steamboating,” which proved to be
very useful in her therapy. Ruth found it
helpful to think of life as a river and her
journey through it a ride downriver on a
steamboat. She viewed her bad habits as
heavy whiskey barrels which weighed down
her steamboat.

When Ruth got rid of a bad habit, she
imagined herself chucking a big whiskey
barrel overboard…and her steamboat picking
up speed.

As Ruth got rid of bad habits, however, she
discovered that they didn’t
technically “disappear.” Her habits
floated along behind her boat, ready to be
hauled back on board if Ruth so desired. And
sometimes, as with any recently
discarded bad habit, Ruth did want them
back. Sometimes Ruth wasted a lot of time
and energy standing on the back of her
steamboat, looking at those whiskey barrels
which floated so temptingly close behind.

And that is what Ruth
called “steamboating." When she had her
back to her bright, new future and was
feeling sorry for herself, she
was "steamboating." When she was wishing
she still had those old, whiskey barrels on
board to help her deal with the pain and
fear of life’s uncertainty, Ruth
was “steamboating.”

It’s the siren call of familiar pain. You've
heard it too, haven't you?

Let’s face it, most of the time, when you
stop hitting your head against a wall; you
welcome the relief from the pain, but you
miss the repetition!

It’s human nature to crave control. Even
if that control comes in the form of
destructive which impede the progress of
your “steamboat?” If you’re at all like
Ruth, and you are if you’re like almost all
humans, I’ve got a Fun Commandment just for
you: Don’t Look Back. When you recognize a
bad habit (like seriousness - your worst),
find an alternative, productive habit to
replace it, and throw yourself headfirst
into the solution!

Don’t waste your time, energy, and
happiness by turning around to stare at the
door you just closed. You’ve heard that
one door never closes without another one
opening, but you also know that the hallway
can sometimes be a bitch! But the hallway
only lasts "forever" when you’re looking back.

There is a light at the end of that tunnel…
and it’s not a train. It’s your new life
unfolding. Scary? Yes. But you’re
completely ready for it, armed with my Fun
Commandments. You have my word.

In two weeks I'll tell you what a relapse
is and why it's not something only people
in AA should be guarding against. I'll
reveal exactly how to safeguard yourself!

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Dennis Miller

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