How to Tickle with Dignity

My son vividly remembers the day his first son told him to back
off. My son wasn't trying to do anything intrusive; he was
tickling his boy like he's always done. But, on this day, his
son asserted himself in a way that gave my son a new
perspective. More on that later...

Continuing our fun, fearless family series, this week we
examine further the role of play.

Family play should always be all-inclusive. That means our
family members should play games by choice and those games
should be noncompetitive.

If the family fun is open to all members than family unity will
grow. We should avoid any situation were someone is favored,
or on the "inside," because then rivalries will ensue as family
members compete for the attention and affection.

Along the same lines, we should never force someone to play. This
type of "play'" is often hurtful because it can demean or
humiliate (even if our hearts are pure when we act).

Adults, who can physically force the issue, need to be
especially careful. The bottom line is that when the fun,
fearless family plays, there are no losers. The goal is to
incorporate everyone in a joyful interplay that celebrates and
nourishes growth.

Learning to trust and enjoy the moment-to-moment opportunities
for spontaneous candor, regardless of the eventual outcome,
prepares youngsters for a healthy "one-day-at-a-time" approach
to life.

Focusing on the process of fun play, rather than a certain
outcome, teaches the value of quality over quantity.

Regarding his boys, my son learned this rule firsthand as his
children have grown up. When they were tiny tikes they loved
it when my son grabbed them and started tickling them. But
somewhere around age six, they let him know he was invading
their personal domain if my son tickled them without being
invited.

His intentions were good, my son just wanted to play, so he
adjusted; at his house the rule became: no tickling without
being asked to do so. It works well, they have fun and
everyone gets to keep their dignity.

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Some Humor to Help You Smile

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