"Family Fun"

Have you ever been stuck in a traffic jam for no apparent reason? You're in bumper-to-bumper traffic, but when if finally clears up there was no accident or any other visible cause. You were a victim of the shockwave effect. I'll tell you about it in a moment...

Using my Fun Commandment, Agree to Disagree, to enhance family fun can provide dramatic results, even when the application is subtle. My son, Greg, uses this Commandment when his children complain and he reports a definite strengthening of the father/son bond as a result. Family fun is always enhanced when the bonds between parent and child are stronger because those bonds indicate the level of trust.

How Greg Uses My Fun Commandment to Enhance Family Fun

Just the other day Greg agreed to stay home with their 2-year-old so his wife and two other sons could have a baby-free day at the pool. But my son, being a family fun-loving guy, usually accompanies his children to the pool and can hardly ever resist playing with them. They, consequently, love it when Greg goes to the pool. Greg's 7-year-old reacted to the news of his staying home by sadly saying, "I sure wish Daddy was coming with us." In the past, Greg's response might've been a short lecture like,"William, I'm staying home so you, Jordan, and Mom can have a fun time without Logan." Such a response is a subtle disagreement which clearly tells William, "You're wrong for feeling that way!"

But is William wrong for being disappointed that his desired family fun is being shortchanged? Nope. Here's how Greg agrees to disagree with his children to keep his family fun rolling along. He, instead, says, "William, I agree with you. It would be fun for me to go to the pool. Do you understand why I'm staying home?" This response tells William that, even though he's still not going to get what he wants, his feelings are okay. William is validated as well as responded to, rather than chastised (just so Greg can maintain his sense of doing the right thing. i.e. "How dare you question me, William!").

And family fun ensues when all members know that their feelings count!

Agreeing to Disagree is a Vital Tool for Family Fun

Sometimes others will not agree with your viewpoint and will refuse to be persuaded. And sometimes you will be the one who refuses to be persuaded. In order to avoid shutting ourselves off from the energy of love and fun which comes from your family fun, I've learned that it is necessary to agree to disagree. Agreeing to disagree is the opposite of drawing a line in the sand, which our egos put us up to. "How dare she disagree with me?", we think. But there is a nasty truth behind "agree with me or else..." ultimatums - you wouldn't make them if you weren't afraid. What are you afraid of? Why does it bother you so much when someone disagrees with you? Is there a part of you that suspects your feelings and perspectives are wrong? No? Great, than you won't have as many problems learning to apply this rule as I once did!

Agreeing to Disgree Enhances Family Fun Overnight

What will happen when you agree to disagree?

• First, you affirm the other person. Your counterpart will feel appreciated and valued - knowing that, although you may not agree with her, you respect her enough to honor her opinion and her right to have it. You're no longer saying, "My way or the highway."
• Second, you will retain your openness and energy level. Your side of the relationship will not be cut off and the positive energy you receive from it will continue to flow. Because we all know that you don't really stop loving someone, even when you wholeheartedly disagree with them.
• Third, your family fun continues unabated because no one feels like they are on the outside. No one is made to feel wrong, so that someone else can feel "right."

Greg reports, as do I, that his family fun is stronger since he began practicing this rule. He feels more open and emotionally available to his friends and loved ones and they have more trust in his unreserved love and affection. Stronger relationships, of course, mean more love, happiness, and fun for you. More positive energy, in fact, to fuel your daily health and success!

How can more family fun not ensue in that environment?

And, regardless of your goals for family fun, are you in a position to turn down more positive energy? If so, please write me...because I want to know how you're doing it!

By the way, the shockwave effect occurs when stragglers allow their driving speeds to drop below 45 mph. Speedier drivers can't help but react to the brake lights and deceleration of the slower drivers; they look for the cause of the slowdown. Just a few slow drivers can set off this shockwave effect and create bumper-to-bumper traffic for miles. For no apparent reason.

But you won't be "stuck in traffic." I'm certain you can think of areas of your life, both subtle and dramatic, where you can agree to disagree and, thus, keep relationships alive and vital. The amount of energy and family fun you'll glean from your efforts will make all the effort worthwhile.

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